Russian jokes translated to English

It is spring. The man comes through sunny green field smiling to green grass and shiny sun. He comes to the birch grove and sees the little girl who is hanging on the birch biting birch branch.
- What are you doing, girl?
- D-d-drinking j-juice.

Beautiful morning. Glade full of flowers. Sun is rising. Birds are singing. Lieutenant Rzhevsky comes out of the white tent, his underwear is snowwhite. He looks around, raises his hands and shouts.
- God, how could I live before and didn't notice such a beauty!
- Fuck, fuck, fuck - answered accustomed echo.

Lieutenant Rzhevsky at party talked to Natasha Rostova but suddenly asked to excuse him and went out. When he was back he was all wet.
- It is raining outdoors?
- No, it is windy.

Lieutenant Rzhevsky with young countess walking around the park.
- Lieutenant, do you like children?
- Not really. But process..

- Do you know why programmers put two glasses to the bed-side table when they go to sleep?
- Why?
- Glass of water in case they will become thirsty and empty one in case they won't.